"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." - Katharine Hepburn
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime that doesn't mean she still can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." - Cher
"Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
"Well-behaved women rarely make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Love at First Byte
Facebook is a great tool to connect with friends and family all over the world. I have been using it for a year now and it never ceases to surprise me.
Recently, I received a message from a "long lost" friend of mine, who found me on Facebook. It was great to re-connect after 17 years of absence.
What was special about meeting Kim was that he was the first person who introduced me to the Internet. In those days, it was cool to get online on his apple Mac and chat on real-time to hundreds of geeks linked-up through servers. IRC (Internet Relay Chat) was then, the new fad.
This trip down memory lane really made me think about the role of the Internet and how
it has changed the way we socialize and communicate.I met my ex-husband through IRC. I recalled waking up early in the morning to catch him online and sitting there late at night to say "goodnight". Naturally, nothing could compare to getting to know that person face-to-face.
Today, with the whole social media and web 2.0 movement. We do not have to connect in real time as we are able to "leave love messages" for each other on Twitter, screen profiles on online dating website, "wink" or "poke" someone we find interesting. Anything and everything is possible and online dating has never been easier! :)
Amy* met her husband on a dating forum. Her excuse was "I am a full-time working mother and do not have the time to sit at bars or go to parties. At my age, I know what I want and don't want. The internet gives me the possibility to date again."
Tina* had a long and winding online and offline romance for 2 years before she decided to move-in and move to another country to be with Bob*. In her words "I wanted to be sure and I can't trust 100% who I meet on the internet. My values remain the same and I rely mostly on my gut feeling. I am grateful though that it had made it possible for me and Bob* to come together."
Another friend, Sandra* broke up with Jim* after 10 years. She went online and posted her profile up. The streaming amount of compliments and show of interest, made her feel good but it didn't change reality - she needed to get her life back on perspective first. In her own words, "It was fun and it made me feel good but first I need to get back to my reality."
Throughout the years and listening to friends share their stories it is evident that the way we socialize has changed so much. The Internet will continue to grow and find new ways to entice its audience but it shouldn't change the person we are. Our values must remain the same for any relationship to be successful - online or offline.
* Note: Please note that the names mentioned in the above post are fictional.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
On Vacation
Recently, I flew back to Malaysia (Kuching, Sarawak to be exact) to visit my parents on a short (too short) visit. I enjoyed every minute of my holiday with my family but there were times I just wanted to have the pleasure of my own company. This I found and had enough time to:
The Movie - "He's Just Not That Into You"
I enjoy a good film once in a while and flipping through the entertainment system, I decided on the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" based somewhat on a book written by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tucillo which I've read a while back.
Even though the movie received an "uurrrgghhh" review from a friend of mine, I went ahead, watched it and loved it. Each character is different and yet, we can all identify with it at some points in our lives. :)
I thoroughly enjoyed Gigi's character played by Ginnifer Goodwin (although at times I thought it was a bit far-fetched) and the online-dating Mary played by Drew Barrymore. A must watch on my list.
The book on the other hand is much richer than the movie and definitely worth an "open-minded" read! Great, especially for those girls who are dating (or dating again) and would like to take some "shortcuts".
Let me know your thoughts!
- Catch up on some movies during the long haul flights
- Read my books and magazines (oh yes, even those trashy ones..)
- Indulge in body massages & foot reflexology
- Risked a new haircut after a "persuasive" head massage followed by manicure & pedicure
- Some retail therapy (an absolute must!)
The Movie - "He's Just Not That Into You"
I enjoy a good film once in a while and flipping through the entertainment system, I decided on the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" based somewhat on a book written by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tucillo which I've read a while back.
Even though the movie received an "uurrrgghhh" review from a friend of mine, I went ahead, watched it and loved it. Each character is different and yet, we can all identify with it at some points in our lives. :)
I thoroughly enjoyed Gigi's character played by Ginnifer Goodwin (although at times I thought it was a bit far-fetched) and the online-dating Mary played by Drew Barrymore. A must watch on my list.
The book on the other hand is much richer than the movie and definitely worth an "open-minded" read! Great, especially for those girls who are dating (or dating again) and would like to take some "shortcuts".
Let me know your thoughts!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Article in Cosmo titled "Tame the Bitch Within"
I recently stumbled upon this article titled "Tame the Bitch Within" published by Cosmopolitan Australia. It's a short read and in the context of being dumped in a relationship written by Carolin Dahlman, professional love coach and author. The tips here are useful indeed but easier said than done!
Women usually let their emotions cloud their better judgment. In this article the author herself refers to the situation leaving women in an "emotional mess". In reality, nothing makes any sense until we learn to separate our emotions and think more clearly. A rule-of-thumb is to never ever make a big decision when you are in an "emotional mess". It's usually the wrong decision.
If you ever find yourself in that break-up situation try the following:
* Focus on yourself and learn to "let go"
* Take your time to re-build that relationship with yourself and find out what you really want
* Take your time to heal and as you heal learn to forgive
* Keep your sense of humor :)
As a communicator, I encourage you to build a positive vocabulary and change the way you communicate to everyone. This will also change the way you feel. Here are some phrases that can be extremely powerful.
"Let Go"
"I am free"
"I can lead a better life"
"Forgive"
"Be strong"
"Stay positive"
"I deserve respect"
Start saying them today and see how you feel. I welcome any comments, feedback or experience to add to the list above and don't forget to smile. :D
Women usually let their emotions cloud their better judgment. In this article the author herself refers to the situation leaving women in an "emotional mess". In reality, nothing makes any sense until we learn to separate our emotions and think more clearly. A rule-of-thumb is to never ever make a big decision when you are in an "emotional mess". It's usually the wrong decision.
If you ever find yourself in that break-up situation try the following:
* Focus on yourself and learn to "let go"
* Take your time to re-build that relationship with yourself and find out what you really want
* Take your time to heal and as you heal learn to forgive
* Keep your sense of humor :)
As a communicator, I encourage you to build a positive vocabulary and change the way you communicate to everyone. This will also change the way you feel. Here are some phrases that can be extremely powerful.
"Let Go"
"I am free"
"I can lead a better life"
"Forgive"
"Be strong"
"Stay positive"
"I deserve respect"
Start saying them today and see how you feel. I welcome any comments, feedback or experience to add to the list above and don't forget to smile. :D
Friday, July 10, 2009
Too much empathy?
Recently, I was told by a good childhood friend of mine that I have "too much empathy". My immediate reaction was, "What does that mean?" "Is that 'Good' or 'Bad'?" and off I went exploring a whole new area.
Lets forget about the statements for an instant and just focus on the reaction. I took my reaction as an opportunity to possibly explore yet a new area in that relationship with myself.
Here are the simple steps I took. First and foremost, I said to myself "There is no 'Good' or 'Bad'." Secondly, lets explore the meaning of the word "empathy".
Wikipedia gives a nice two-part explanation:
"Empathy is the capability to share and understand another person's emotions and feelings. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another person's shoes."
"Empathy does not necessarily imply compassion, sympathy, or empathic concern because this capacity can be present in context of compassionate or cruel behavior."
It's truly a skill and knowing that I have the capability to empathize makes me feel alive! and if this is who I am then I accept it.
But what happens when there is "too much" empathy. It's a big warning beacon to tell me that I need to take a step back and learn to manage that skill. At times, it's very easy to be carried away with other people's problems or the worlds problems at large - war, hunger, crime. At the end of the day, it comes back to that relationship you have with yourself and what is important to you at that point of time.
In summary, part of the journey to know more about yourself is to know the skills you have or you never knew you had :) and learn to use it for you.
Lets forget about the statements for an instant and just focus on the reaction. I took my reaction as an opportunity to possibly explore yet a new area in that relationship with myself.
Here are the simple steps I took. First and foremost, I said to myself "There is no 'Good' or 'Bad'." Secondly, lets explore the meaning of the word "empathy".
Wikipedia gives a nice two-part explanation:
"Empathy is the capability to share and understand another person's emotions and feelings. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another person's shoes."
"Empathy does not necessarily imply compassion, sympathy, or empathic concern because this capacity can be present in context of compassionate or cruel behavior."
It's truly a skill and knowing that I have the capability to empathize makes me feel alive! and if this is who I am then I accept it.
But what happens when there is "too much" empathy. It's a big warning beacon to tell me that I need to take a step back and learn to manage that skill. At times, it's very easy to be carried away with other people's problems or the worlds problems at large - war, hunger, crime. At the end of the day, it comes back to that relationship you have with yourself and what is important to you at that point of time.
In summary, part of the journey to know more about yourself is to know the skills you have or you never knew you had :) and learn to use it for you.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
A Bitch is Born
Traditionally, when you shout out the word “Bitch” you will get a surprise and often-hostile reaction. It sure didn’t help when during the days of “Dynasty” nor when the other Collin sister launched her bestseller book titled “The Bitch”, which in turn became a movie starring none other than the original Bitch – Joan Collins.
This term has certainly evolved over the past two decades and taken an empowering twist emerging as a much used and much loved term amongst women. Ironically “The Stud” remains the Stud even after all these years… no comment.
I like the way Sherry Argov uses it in a tongue-and-cheek way in her book “Why Men Love Bitches” published in 2002. Her perspective on how women should handle relationships is an eye-opener for many.
Bringing it a step further is Teresa Martin Binkley’s book entitled “The Bitch Within”. According to Teresa Martin Binkley, each woman is born with her own "bitch within," or TBW. This presence is not there to hold a woman back from life experiences or to conform to the way of life which is against her very soul, but to give her determination, inspiration and courage to face life head-on. After all it is an adventurous journey.
Lets begin our journey today and let that "Bitch Within be Born".
This term has certainly evolved over the past two decades and taken an empowering twist emerging as a much used and much loved term amongst women. Ironically “The Stud” remains the Stud even after all these years… no comment.
I like the way Sherry Argov uses it in a tongue-and-cheek way in her book “Why Men Love Bitches” published in 2002. Her perspective on how women should handle relationships is an eye-opener for many.
Bringing it a step further is Teresa Martin Binkley’s book entitled “The Bitch Within”. According to Teresa Martin Binkley, each woman is born with her own "bitch within," or TBW. This presence is not there to hold a woman back from life experiences or to conform to the way of life which is against her very soul, but to give her determination, inspiration and courage to face life head-on. After all it is an adventurous journey.
Lets begin our journey today and let that "Bitch Within be Born".
A Bitch’s Blog
Inspired by some very special people, along with life experience, multitudes of advise and some moments filled with tears as well as laughter has given rise to this blog.
It is my hope that this blog will enrich our lives and most importantly helps us realize who we are as the first step towards building a meaningful relationship with yourself – the Bitch within.
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