The Bitch Within

My Unexpected Trip from Budapest to Brussels

2010-04-20T15:57:00.007+02:00

Volcano Woes
Last week, I was in Budapest for work organising the first ever CEO Forum. The two-day event was coming to an end on Thursday, April 15th when we were notified that a volcano in Iceland had erupted bringing air traffic to a halt in the United Kingdom and subsequently, other countries as well. My flight to Brussels was scheduled at 8.25pm that evening. Towards mid-afternoon, news of further airport closures began to trickle through and I feared for the worse – my flight to Brussels was cancelled as I join hundreds of people unable to fly.
Joining me in this predicament was Elmar Toime, our moderator who initially flew from Australia via London for the CEO Forum and was heading back to London.

Peas in a pot
Like a true Sarawakian born on the sunny side of planet earth, I decided to remain optimistic and explored all alternative options out of Budapest. I managed to book the first flight from Budapest to Brussels the following morning and just in case this option does not succeed, Elmar and I booked a car with Hertz for tomorrow morning.

On to Plan B
Waking up at 4am, I saw that the Brussels airport remain closed and it meant, plan B moves into action. Without a map or a gps in hand, Elmar and I set out early the next day for our road-trip after picking up our brand new Mercedes from Hertz rentals. By then Volcano woes had spread across northern Europe as well and we were convinced that it was the right thing to do.

Expect the unexpected
Cruising out of Budapest we entered the highway west bound to Austria and I was behind the wheels. 20 minutes into our journey on the two-lane highway, I noticed that the car in front of me slowed down considerably and came to a halt. The negligent driver was waiting for a chance to cross the inner-lane and turn off to the Tatabanya rest area. Although, I managed to stop on time, the car behind hit the rear end of my car!

The other car belonged to a Hungarian family who was rushing a member of their family out to Vienna airport to catch a plane to Toronto. We were just thankful that everyone was un-hurt. Needless to say no one from the family spoke English and we didn’t speak Hungarian either. Somehow we managed to console each other using sign and body language.

A military police in an un-marked car was passing through and stopped to lend us assistance. The Hungarian military policeman spoke perfect English but police officers whom arrived later only spoke Hungarian to out dismay. Our car was towed-away and we were brought to the Tatabanya police station to make our statement and file a report in Hungarian.

Hungarian Police Day too!
The Tatabanya police station is simple, basic and situated close to the highway. We felt at ease and comfortable at all times even though we were not surrounded by anything familiar except the loud coke vending machine. The police officers arranged for an English-Hungarian interpreter and the report was completed quickly. Eva, our interpreter kindly filled us in that it was Police Day in Hungary and we were lucky to find a policeman to help us out since they were all out parading and celebrating Police Day. I guessed every cloud has its silver lining.

Comfort Food
After 5hours, we were finally back on the road and on our way with our “down-graded” replacement car – a Skoda. Elmar decided to give left-hand driving a go.
We arrived at the border to Austria and Hungary, hungry. Trying out my emergency German we stopped at the nearest Auto-grill and had some comfort food – “Schnitzels mit pommes”. Gobbling down our food and eager to continue our journey, we headed back on the highway and kept ourselves busy with chatter and games.

Road trip activities
> We counted DHL trucks in both directions.
> We spoke to cows and asked for directions
> We pretended to be Hungarians driving in a Hungarian-plate car
> We admired the blue “plane-less” sky
> We enjoyed the sun

Hitting a Wall
5 DHL trucks and 38 cows later close to Nurnberg, we decided to spend the night in a Bed & Breakfast in a small town called Altdorf. To our surprise, the charming town with its quaint buildings and quiet cobbled streets, was just perfect. We found ourselves parked in front of the Alte Nagelschmiede hotel. Using my emergency German, I asked for 2 single rooms and prayed that there will be no misunderstandings.

After a warm soup and a glass of wine we had a good night sleep and looked forward to 635km more to go.

Detour around Koln
Outside, Koln the highway traffic came to a halt and the radio announced a massive accident on the highway causing more than 20km of traffic jam. I got out like any curious Hungarian and tried to look for the cause but only saw long lines of traffic curving around the hill.

At the first opportunity, Elmar and I decided to get off the highway into the countryside. Needless to say, we got lost a few times and had to ask the cows and horses for directions. Eventually, we found our way back to the highway and saw the big accident from a highway bridge. Like a true Sarawakian, I had to slow down to a snail pace and take a picture with my iphone disrupting traffic behind me.... :)

Rejoining the highway, we made our way to the Belgian borders and were in Zaventem “spooky” airport by 5pm. Elmar and I parted ways and I happily drove home to be with my family.

Elmar, a DHL package
What happened to Elmar? He spent the rest of Sunday in Brussels and trying to get on the earliest train back to London. Finally, calling in on some favours at DHL, Elmar managed to get himself to Calais and DHL brought him over the channel the Monday.

Life lessons
In times of crisis, each and every one of us has many choices. We can choose not to accept or, to accept and do nothing or, we can choose to accept and do something. This road trip has shown us that with a little bit of creativity, optimism and resourcefulness we will all find our way home.

-End-

Entering the MOB zone

2010-01-31T17:37:00.009+01:00

Sunday is a day of rest. It's a day some of us hurrily go to church and ask God for forgiveness... it's a day some of us sit around all day in our pyjamas.... it's a day we clean out the closets... its a day we are slaving over the stove... it's a day to take our ritual relaxation bath and spoil ourselves silly.... it's a day we listen and appreciate the laughter of our kids.

Then there are a few of us who live abroad and look forward to meeting our closest friends from our country on Sunday. Today, I had lunch at a Thai restaurant and met up with the Thai-Belgian community - Thai women married to Belgian men. I watched as the wives got together and spoke thai whilst the husbands gathered with other husbands and shared about their adventures in Thailand. The endless chatter went on as the women talked and bantered about their day, their week or their month - and life in Belgium in general. All, missed their lives in Thailand but do not miss the hardship there. There is a quiet and mutual respect amongst couples and they are just happy.

"Life is not perfect but perfect enough for me." says Som-si

Som-Si arrived in Belgium 25 years ago. A lady who doesn't look her age and is always smiling, Som-Si runs a Thai restaurant-catering business as well as an aquarium.

In her lovely gracious manner she whispers the her secrets of her long lasting relationship into my ears.

"Always have a sense of humour"
"Learn to enjoy each others company even when you are not talking"
"Keep busy"
"Don't ask too many questions"
"Look after yourself and then each other."
"It's good to add some spice in your cooking sometimes."

Khob-Kun-Ka!

Powerful Words from Women for Women

2009-08-31T14:07:00.005+02:00

"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." - Katharine Hepburn

"A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime that doesn't mean she still can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." - Cher

"Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Well-behaved women rarely make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Love at First Byte

2009-08-27T12:42:00.012+02:00

Facebook is a great tool to connect with friends and family all over the world. I have been using it for a year now and it never ceases to surprise me.

Recently, I received a message from a "long lost" friend of mine, who found me on Facebook. It was great to re-connect after 17 years of absence.

What was special about meeting Kim was that he was the first person who introduced me to the Internet. In those days, it was cool to get online on his apple Mac and chat on real-time to hundreds of geeks linked-up through servers. IRC (Internet Relay Chat) was then, the new fad.

This trip down memory lane really made me think about the role of the Internet and how it has changed the way we socialize and communicate.

I met my ex-husband through IRC. I recalled waking up early in the morning to catch him online and sitting there late at night to say "goodnight". Naturally, nothing could compare to getting to know that person face-to-face.

Today, with the whole social media and web 2.0 movement. We do not have to connect in real time as we are able to "leave love messages" for each other on Twitter, screen profiles on online dating website, "wink" or "poke" someone we find interesting. Anything and everything is possible and online dating has never been easier! :)

Amy* met her husband on a dating forum. Her excuse was "I am a full-time working mother and do not have the time to sit at bars or go to parties. At my age, I know what I want and don't want. The internet gives me the possibility to date again."

Tina* had a long and winding online and offline romance for 2 years before she decided to move-in and move to another country to be with Bob*. In her words "I wanted to be sure and I can't trust 100% who I meet on the internet. My values remain the same and I rely mostly on my gut feeling. I am grateful though that it had made it possible for me and Bob* to come together."

Another friend, Sandra* broke up with Jim* after 10 years. She went online and posted her profile up. The streaming amount of compliments and show of interest, made her feel good but it didn't change reality - she needed to get her life back on perspective first. In her own words, "It was fun and it made me feel good but first I need to get back to my reality."

Throughout the years and listening to friends share their stories it is evident that the way we socialize has changed so much. The Internet will continue to grow and find new ways to entice its audience but it shouldn't change the person we are. Our values must remain the same for any relationship to be successful - online or offline.

* Note: Please note that the names mentioned in the above post are fictional.

On Vacation

2009-08-08T12:09:00.005+02:00

Recently, I flew back to Malaysia (Kuching, Sarawak to be exact) to visit my parents on a short (too short) visit. I enjoyed every minute of my holiday with my family but there were times I just wanted to have the pleasure of my own company. This I found and had enough time to:

Catch up on some movies during the long haul flights
Read my books and magazines (oh yes, even those trashy ones..)
Indulge in body massages & foot reflexology
Risked a new haircut after a "persuasive" head massage followed by manicure & pedicure
Some retail therapy (an absolute must!)

Make sure you have some time on your own too and have a real holiday ;)

The Movie - "He's Just Not That Into You"
I enjoy a good film once in a while and flipping through the entertainment system, I decided on the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" based somewhat on a book written by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tucillo which I've read a while back.

Even though the movie received an "uurrrgghhh" review from a friend of mine, I went ahead, watched it and loved it. Each character is different and yet, we can all identify with it at some points in our lives. :)

I thoroughly enjoyed Gigi's character played by Ginnifer Goodwin (although at times I thought it was a bit far-fetched) and the online-dating Mary played by Drew Barrymore. A must watch on my list.

The book on the other hand is much richer than the movie and definitely worth an "open-minded" read! Great, especially for those girls who are dating (or dating again) and would like to take some "shortcuts".

Let me know your thoughts!

Article in Cosmo titled "Tame the Bitch Within"

2009-07-21T21:28:00.006+02:00

I recently stumbled upon this article titled "Tame the Bitch Within" published by Cosmopolitan Australia. It's a short read and in the context of being dumped in a relationship written by Carolin Dahlman, professional love coach and author. The tips here are useful indeed but easier said than done!

Women usually let their emotions cloud their better judgment. In this article the author herself refers to the situation leaving women in an "emotional mess". In reality, nothing makes any sense until we learn to separate our emotions and think more clearly. A rule-of-thumb is to never ever make a big decision when you are in an "emotional mess". It's usually the wrong decision.

If you ever find yourself in that break-up situation try the following:

* Focus on yourself and learn to "let go"
* Take your time to re-build that relationship with yourself and find out what you really want
* Take your time to heal and as you heal learn to forgive
* Keep your sense of humor :)

As a communicator, I encourage you to build a positive vocabulary and change the way you communicate to everyone. This will also change the way you feel. Here are some phrases that can be extremely powerful.

"Let Go"
"I am free"
"I can lead a better life"
"Forgive"
"Be strong"
"Stay positive"
"I deserve respect"

Start saying them today and see how you feel. I welcome any comments, feedback or experience to add to the list above and don't forget to smile. :D

Too much empathy?

2009-07-10T08:25:00.010+02:00

Recently, I was told by a good childhood friend of mine that I have "too much empathy". My immediate reaction was, "What does that mean?" "Is that 'Good' or 'Bad'?" and off I went exploring a whole new area.

Lets forget about the statements for an instant and just focus on the reaction. I took my reaction as an opportunity to possibly explore yet a new area in that relationship with myself.

Here are the simple steps I took. First and foremost, I said to myself "There is no 'Good' or 'Bad'." Secondly, lets explore the meaning of the word "empathy".
Wikipedia gives a nice two-part explanation:

"Empathy is the capability to share and understand another person's emotions and feelings. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another person's shoes."

"Empathy does not necessarily imply compassion, sympathy, or empathic conce rn because this capacity can be present in context of compassionate or cruel behavior."

It's truly a skill and knowing that I have the capability to empathize makes me feel alive! and if this is who I am then I accept it.

But what happens when there is "too much" empathy. It's a big warning beacon to tell me that I need to take a step back and learn to manage that skill. At times, it's very easy to be carried away with other people's problems or the worlds problems at large - war, hunger, crime. At the end of the day, it comes back to that relationship you have with yourself and what is important to you at that point of time.

In summary, part of the journey to know more about yourself is to know the skills you have or you never knew you had :) and learn to use it for you.

A Bitch is Born

2009-06-23T15:54:00.019+02:00

Traditionally, when you shout out the word “Bitch” you will get a surprise and often-hostile reaction. It sure didn’t help when during the days of “Dynasty” nor when the other Collin sister launched her bestseller book titled “The Bitch”, which in turn became a movie starring none other than the original Bitch – Joan Collins.

This term has certainly evolved over the past two decades and taken an empowering twist emerging as a much used and much loved term amongst women. Ironically “The Stud” remains the Stud even after all these years… no comment.

I like the way Sherry Argov uses it in a tongue-and-cheek way in her book “Why Men Love Bitches” published in 2002. Her perspective on how women should handle relationships is an eye-opener for many.

Bringing it a step further is Teresa Martin Binkley’s book entitled “The Bitch Within”. According to Teresa Martin Binkley, each woman is born with her own "bitch within," or TBW. This presence is not there to hold a woman back from life experiences or to conform to the way of life which is against her very soul, but to give her determination, inspiration and courage to face life head-on. After all it is an adventurous journey.

Lets begin our journey today and let that "Bitch Within be Born".

A Bitch’s Blog

2009-06-23T14:54:00.008+02:00

Inspired by some very special people, along with life experience, multitudes of advise and some moments filled with tears as well as laughter has given rise to this blog.

It is my hope that this blog will enrich our lives and most importantly helps us realize who we are as the first step towards building a meaningful relationship with yourself – the Bitch within.